Hildi's Interviews
by Ricachan
Summary: Gundam Characters future...all messed up....


Hilde's Interviews  
  
By Rica  
  
WARNINGS: Uh…not much really. Happy Easter everybody!  
  
I'm sure every one of you wants to know exactly what happened to our friends of Gundam Wing. Well…our pal Hilde has become a reporter for the "It Aint' Our Business, But We Gonna Know About It Anyways" newspaper, and has been collecting information all these two months on the ex soldiers. This is her story:  
  
  
  
"Yes. I am the last of my clan. I have fought in battles. I am an excellent soldier, and I do well in battle. Justice is my sword, and honor is my code. I have always killed with honor, and know my services will do well for this place of hard work. I am, the one to in fact kill Trieze. Ok…so maybe I really wasn't planning on killing him to begin with, but I did, for it was JUSTICE! YOU ARE WEAK IF YOU DON'T HIRE ME!! So…do I get the job?  
  
"Chang WuFei…I don't think you're the type of person Burger King wants to hire. Uh…try McDonalds." Said the man behind the counter.  
  
"Damn you, burger bitches." WuFei snarled…  
  
Job Interview: WuFei  
  
That was an example of what Hilde has been collecting…information of Gundam Wing people jobs. Read on to find more interesting information on our favorite characters.  
  
Heero Yuy: Heero instantly became a star soon after Endless Waltz. He started his acting career, by taking a part in the popular show, ER. Heero played the part of the guy who put everyone IN the hospital to begin with…and was soon known as the homicidal freak from that show nobody really watches unless they're really bored. After two weeks of his job at ER, Heero was fired. Supposedly, he "accidentally" put real bullets in the shotguns used on set. Poor George Clooney never saw it coming…I guess it's Ms. Clooney for now on. Anyways, he then got his own show, called "Cooking With Heero." It instantly became a hit, and everyone loved it. Heero was known as the only cook to go out and kill his own meat, with his own bare hands. I went to one of his shows, and boy…was I impressed.  
  
/Announcer voice suddenly booms on television./ It's the Cooking With Heero show, with your host…HEERO!  
  
The crowd applauded, as Heero slowly walked to the stage. He quickly glanced at all who clapped, glaring at the noisemakers. The audience sat down, almost fearfully. "Hn. Welcome…to my show. Today…" Heero slightly turned his head, as he tried to read the que card.  
  
"Today…I'm going to teach you how to…" He squinted, looking at the cards. "Ok, who's the new guy?" Heero asked frustrated.  
  
The director from behind the stage whispered, "Don't worry about the cards Heero. Just read your lines the best you can!"  
  
"I can't read the damn lines if someone didn't make them bigger!" Heero snarled.  
  
The guy trembled, holding the cards, "I'm sorry…I was in just a big rush, that I didn't get any time to…"  
  
"Who is this guy?" Heero barked, creating a scene.  
  
"He's new. Give him a chance." The cameraman whimpered.  
  
"Fine! Anyways…" Heero went back to reading, "We're going to cook a cooked…dammit!" He shouted, "The damn card is upside down!"  
  
"SORRY SORRY!" The card man cried, turning the card right side up. "ALL BETTER! ALL BETTER!!!"  
  
"I want this guy FIRED!" Heero snapped.  
  
"We can't…he's under a contract for two years." The director said.  
  
Heero took out his gun and shot the cardholder. "Omae O Kerosu."  
  
"You…you killed the new guy!" The cameraman said.  
  
"No, I renewed his contract…" Heero coldly said, "Now shut up, and continue on with the show."  
  
Hilde in the audience, snuck out through the back. Apparently…she had seen enough…  
  
Duo Maxwell: An interesting character, may I say? Duo found out that he had a talent for writing children books. He began writing a while ago, and continues the profession. Here is an interview for proof:  
  
Hilde: So Duo, you've decided to go into writing.  
  
Duo: Yeah! It's a great way to pick up chicks!  
  
Hilde: Oh? So you went into writing children's books for women?  
  
Duo: Children's books?! What are you talking about? I write novels.  
  
Hilde: Novels?  
  
Duo: Yeah. See for yourself. (He says, handing me a small yellow book.)  
  
Hilde: (reading book's title) One Colony, Two Colony, Red Colony, Blue Colony. By Dr. Death.  
  
Duo: (Grinning) Read my novel, Hild.  
  
Hilde: Duo…it's eight pages…you call this a novel?  
  
Duo: HEY! It's the longest book I've ever written.  
  
Hilde (sighing, as she reads,) I will kill you in a box; I will kill you with a fox. I will kill you here or there, I will kill you anywhere. I will…oh forget it! Duo, you're hopeless!  
  
Duo: hey wait, you haven't gotten to the part about Shinigami yet!  
  
Hilde: (Slamming office door shut on Duo's face.) Novelist? HA!  
  
Trowa Barton: sadly, I couldn't get an interview…one because Trowa is so famous now and two, because he doesn't talk…anymore…or…not as…uh…yeah. He decided to quit the circus, after a lion sued him for "groping him." Trowa found that he was by heart, a true mime. But…he also found that he liked music and performing…so Trowa is the first to combine both professions. He is a mime musician. Trowa travels around the universe, singing…well…uh…performing his hits like "Silence" or "Quiet Time" or his favorite, or so his miming tells us, "Nobody Listens to a MIME!" Most of his songs involve five minutes of absolute…silence. Mimes all alike love him.  
  
Quatre Winner: Quatre is now the forth POWERPUFF GIRL!! He flies…and fights crime (before bedtime). You can watch him on Toonami, or see him zooming off in a purple skirt with his three new friends.  
  
  
  
Relena: Relena now manufactures teddy bears. She says it's the job of her dreams.  
  
Zechs: Zechs took up the interesting profession of Underwear modeling. He use to use his sexy body to earn money (hint hint, wink wink! ^_~) You can see him in commercials…he's the one who says "Calvin Kline…sooooo quiet…"  
  
Noin: Noin owns an interesting night club…where she serves drinks and dances like there's no tomorrow. She often is seen with Zechs, who sometimes takes a job as a bouncer at the club. Here's an interview:  
  
Hilde: Nice place. Business doing well?  
  
Noin: It's good. Can't complain or anything.  
  
Hilde: So…I hear your friend Zechs comes by often.  
  
Noin: Uh…yeah…  
  
Hilde: I also hear he's a bouncer at your club…  
  
Noin: (blushing)  
  
Hilde: My sources also tell me you don't pay him a dime. Why is that?  
  
Noin: He uh…doesn't want any money. You know…he's just being a friend.  
  
Hilde: Come on now Noin. You can tell me…just exactly how DO you pay him.  
  
Noin: (immense blush) I'll pay you five bucks if you shut up!  
  
Hilde: YEAH!!  
  
Trieze:  
  
Hilde: Uh…window wiper?  
  
Rica: HILDE! THE MAN IS DEAD FOR GOD'S SAKES!!  
  
Hilde: What?! Really? I never knew.  
  
Rica: WHAT!? How could you NOT know?  
  
Hilde: I was in a coma at the time, so sue me!  
  
Rica: …idiot…  
  
Hilde: What was that?  
  
Dorothy: Bird feed…(her eyebrows though are used as forks by the queen and king of Albania.)  
  
Sally: Is a doctor and also works part time at the International House Of Pancakes!  
  
Rica: …are you making this up?  
  
Hilde: Hm? Uh…no?  
  
Une-Pizza delivery woman.  
  
Rica: You ARE making this up!  
  
Hilde: No I'm not…I have important evidence and documents, proving Une is a pizza deliverer. She delivered pizza at my house…  
  
Rica: She what?  
  
Hilde: well…now that I think about it, I was pretty wasted at the time, but oh well…I saw what I saw.  
  
Rica: …I really do hate you…  
  
Hilde-  
  
I'm a reporter! DUH!  
  
Rica: Don't get to cocky, missy. I'm the author here.  
  
Hilde: Oh, I'm scared…big bad Rica is going to hurt me…  
  
Rica: ATTACK EVIL FERRETS!!  
  
Hilde: AHHH! (Being chased by evil ferrets) Where the hell did these come from?  
  
Rica: I told you…I am the author…I do as I please….now you will pay! And then…the world….I will take over the world…MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Hilde: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
To be Continued…er…uh…not…really… 


End file.
